just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
