So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
