did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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