im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
