gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
