i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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