Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
