I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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