On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize