I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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