Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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