I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
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it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
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why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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