i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
