shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
