I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
