i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
