I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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