when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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