walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
