im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
