I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
