I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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