I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
