So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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