Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
