You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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