Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
