OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
