i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
