so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
