thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
