one two three fourrrrnication!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
