apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
