I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
