my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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