He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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