hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
