can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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