OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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