cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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