i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
