alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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