Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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