By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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