Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
