dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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