Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
