Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
