I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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