just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
NoShamevember. You game?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
