If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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