I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
