birth control should be required to get into college
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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