woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
