he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
