you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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