i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
there's paper in my vomit.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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