remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
