9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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