There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
