the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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