guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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