Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
