Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
no, he came in my armpit
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
