i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How does one acquire holy water?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
