We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
