yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
