3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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