I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's like a pop up book from hell.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize
