My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
