Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
