My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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