I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
