dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
