the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
