I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
