Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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