I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
