is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
