how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
