wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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